Oh how long has it been since I have updated this blog/journal of mine. It seems to have been forever since last I did and seems too long for that matter! I guess I really only write in here when I am really stressed out and cannot sleep at night, which has definitely been the case here at college. Therefore, I guess I will start with college and work to the present.
Oh Southwestern how you have opened my eyes to the world that is here and perhaps in my future. Do not get me wrong about being a bad school or such. I like how some of my teachers go out of the way for me and how financial aid does the same thing for me. On the other side the price that a student pays to attend here and the knowledge they gain in the classroom really should be at the same level. When you have teachers that talk about the “good old days of selling copiers or super computers” every day in class, there is something very wrong with the picture. I came to learn not to be lectured about wearing Italian suits and Tommy Hilfiger shirts. I think for price I am paying to attend here it is really not worth it at all. Plus the classes I am in besides that one are not worth the time. I think my classes with Pettey are worth it but my finance class is definitely not. All that everyone does in that class is surf the Internet checking on Facebook, chatting with friends or reading something else. The teacher just lets it all go by and keep talking about his powerpoints. I see no point in attending a class where the teacher does not put the effort into putting the knowledge into a form that is understandable and worth it to us as students. The class I actually enjoy the most is my laptop class. It makes me miss the days of having a computer science major. I wish sometimes that I stuck with that major at Cowley but business seemed to be a better choice for me. Oh, how I miss that college I liked and hold dear to my heart. I do not know what I would do without my teachers and friends I made there. I would probably be a different person that is definitely for sure. But back to what is happening in the present.
I am currently living in dorm filled with international/foreign exchange students (we had a discussion about the difference between international and foreign students in newspaper the other day) and it is both intriguing and just out right infuriating. It is interesting to learn about another culture and a language. It is a lot of fun trying to talk to them and bugging them with jokes and comments like have you done your homework yet. The thing that annoys me the most right now is when they go running up and down the halls late at night. That annoys me the most. I can stand the cooking and the toilet seat issues but the running really has to stop. I like sleep (or the little bit I do get) and without it I would probably be a morbid skeleton somewhere six feet under. Nevertheless, on to the next subject of women now.
When the world is crashing all around you, everyday pretty much feels the same day after day like you are running the rat race. It does not help that I am shallow when it comes to relationships. I do try to get to know the other person but eventually it just heads downhill and I have to pull myself back up the hill only to stumble yet again. I have not figured out what I want in a relationship let alone how to go about getting one. I am pretty much in over my head when it comes to them. It also does not help that my cousins and even my little sister is being married or engaged. It seems like I am just going to be that old crazy uncle in the family that is distant and cursed to be by himself in whatever he does. I just do not like that future but it may just be that at the rate things are going.
In addition, who knows if the time is right to ask or the person you think you want to ask is the right one. The future is something that can change in an instant and it can either make or break you in some aspects. I have not figured out what all to do but I am hoping that by the semester is out things work out more. Nevertheless, I guess enough with that and on to the Air Force.
I really do not know what exactly sparked my interest in the Air Force other than being fascinated by all the machinery like the jets, helicopters and ammunition that they use. I can tell you so many facts about the different weapons used that it would probably boggle your mind. If my eyesight was better I probably would try and be a pilot like I want to (even though I am afraid of heights) and see what happens. The worst that can happen is I am not accepted to work in any department in the air force. The best that could happen is I am picked to be a pilot. However, at the rate it is going I will be lucky to hear from the officer recruiter out of Tinker. I sent an email like the recruiter told me in Wichita but I have heard nothing back. I may end up looking up the air base and calling down there to talk to the guy. I am hoping I still remember whom I am to talk to. I may wind up going a different route like the Army or Navy since I have no plan really after college. With all the debt that is piling up it looks to be the best option for me since they will pay for my college loans and I would have a job at the same time that would teach me skills I could use out of the military if I choose to do go that route. However, the future is hard to peer into so who knows for sure what all will happen.
All I can do now is live life a day at a time. Whether that means I am locked away in my room cleaning my room, washing dishes and doing laundry. Alternatively, I am locked away in the library working on my homework away from the social world and diving into the world that is in front of me. Even if I cannot hangout with the people I want to (sometimes because of schedules or because of distances between us) it just seems more logical that I get my academics out of the way even if I do not want to. It seems that GPA is everything these days. Guess the main thing is I just learn what I really want out of life. The funny thing is I am listening to “I Dare You to Move,” by Switchfoot and it really makes sense to me. I really do not know how to put it in words but it seems like I should just go out on a limb and run life (quite literally in some senses). It also does help talking with friends whether it is though text messages or through QQ, it gives me a sense of happiness that I can talk to them about whatever is troubling me. I just wish sometimes that some of my friends were much closer to me but sometimes that cannot be the case. I am listening to another song called “One of Those Days,” by Thompson Square. I can definitely hear the lyrics and how they relate to what I am going through. But this ends this rant, spilling sessions for now. The future is always going to be a mystery just like women will. The only thing you can do is just take a step and see what happens. The worst that can happen is the future stays the same or it shatters into a million pieces and lets you pick the pieces back up and form them into a new you.
